Gladstone -- Now in Color
January 2012
20 posts
Why... wha- HOW do you answer everything with such.. happiness and cleverness? Oh you amazing man.
Ask DOB and he’ll tell you: it’s because I’m the real Spider-Man.
Now that Anonymous are following you and sharing your articles are you worried about what you say? (I'm nothing to do with them but am curious) Also I love you articles,all top notch!
Anonymous as in 4Chan Anonymous? I wasn’t aware… unless you’re referring to Tumblr where it says “anonymous asked….” which is just how tumblr refers to people who ask questions anonymously…
Are you married? If not... will you marry me?
Yes to both. Oh wait. Just the former.
December 2011
10 posts
Kelly Clarkson Supports Ron Paul
Here are 5 tweets I left in the span of about 90 seconds upon hearing that Kelly Clarkson supports Ron Paul for President:
Kelly Clarkson supports Ron Paul? Hmm, I want her on our side for the upcoming race war. (She has strong legs!)
Kelly Clarkson wants Ron Paul to run America. The same women who thought Clive Davis didn’t know how to run a record label.
Kelly Clarkson’s support for Ron Paul is much like Ron Paul himself: strange and inconsequential.
Kelly Clarkson supports Ron Paul. Asked for comment Simon Cowell said, “I’m a ginormous douchebag with man breasts.”
Kelly Clarkson supports Ron Paul. Or as history from five years from now will record it: “Who supports who?”
Dear Gladstone, I think you are a marvelous human being, and I wish I was half as entertaining as you, this isn't a question but you can respond with an answer if you feel you must...
Yes!
I get a lot of criticism for believing in a god--and if that isn't enough, I'm Wiccan now (which is even less understood than the other religions.) Anyway, I see it as this: arguing about religion is like arguing about who's imaginary friends are more fun. Just stfu up and let me play with my imaginary friends the way I want--you don't have to acknowledge 'em. - Allec
Misunderstood? I’m under the impression Wiccans believe in sex magic. Regardless of the accuracy of that, I’m not going to stop believing that, OK? And thank you.
Do you technically "work" for cracked or do you just freelance write the occasional article and decide to send it to them as opposed to another publisher?
I freelance for Cracked, but I’ve had my a column for years and wrote a new column almost every week of 2011, so “occasional” strikes me as odd…
I just read your article on Cracked, 4 Things Both Atheists and Believers Need to Stop Saying. I have to say it's been one of the best articles I've read in a long time. It honestly made me feel a lot better. I'm really glad you dropped some knowledge on people. Sorry to go on about this on your tumblr.
Yes, please apologize for all that praise. Thanks.
Play
Isn't it ark, not arc?
Yes. I was tired.
The Ending of Raiders of the Lost Arc Rules
It seems to have become hip online to talk about about how the end of Raiders sucks because Indy doesn’t do anything. His job was to make sure the Nazis dont get the arc and then they do and then there was nothing to worry about anyway because the Arc took care of itself. That idea has run on Cracked and on WWTDD.
I wholly disagree. For me, the point was that even though Indy is a brilliant scholar and thoroughly awesome action hero, he is humble in the face of God. Unlike the Nazis who arrogantly seek to control God and use the power of the Arc for their purposes, Indy closes his eyes. It is this act that saves him. Not his intellect. Not his bravery. His reverence, respect, and humility.
November 2011
5 posts
I saw you saying under your latest article that no one commented on your subtle joke. I just want to let you know if it's the word 'Pretty' under Soren's picture (rather than 'Getty') I did see it! And I actually did comment =] My username on Cracked is Mish. So don't worry, it wasn't too subtle! Unless you meant some other, subtler joke, in which case I'm sorry for missing it. ;_;
Yes, you got it. Maybe my favorite joke ever.
I notice on your articles, more often than not, you take the time to read through and sometimes respond to commenters. Why would you want to do that? Most of the time they're ignorant comments with very unflattering analogies of your writing.
I’ll actually be addressing that as a small part of my next column.
Joe Paterno Jokes!
Knock knock. Who’s There? Joe Paterno. Joe Paterno Who? Joe Paterno who failed to report horrific sexual abuse.
How many Joe Paternos does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, if he has Sandusky do it. Oh, and the light bulb is a helpless boy.
What has 4 eyes but can’t see (horrific sexual abuse?)
Did you hear the one about Joe Paterno and St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven? Yeah, me either.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Joe Paterno turning a blind eye to systematic child rape.
Why is Joe Paterno like a hot apple pie? Because apple pie doesn’t care if boys get raped either.
What did Tarzan say when he saw Joe Paterno coming over the hill? “Fuck that guy. Tarzan no like child rape enablers.”
“Hey, Joe did you hear the one about the monster and ten year old boy in the shower?” “No. I did not hear that.”
Help Keep Hate By Numbers (and my ability to buy food) Going
I work a full time job. I also maintain a weekly cracked column. But due to this recession, I’m still in dire need of funds. That’s why I brought Hate By Numbers back last month as a fan-sponsored program. If I’m going to work a third job, then I”d prefer it be one I enjoy, and at the same time be one that makes people happy. But considering the demands of my two jobs and my family, dedicating the minimum of 50-70 hours necessary to put together four episodes of HBN, it needs to make financial sense if I’m going to do it. That’s where the $2000 came from. Keep in mind that some of that went to my site’s webmaster, my site’s monthly fee, costumes, props, and subcontracting for pshops and animation.
Now, I’ve done four new episodes of Hate By Numbers that I’m very proud of. I felt a great debt to those who contributed and I hope it shows how much time I put in them .
Today, I aired the fourth episode, replete with a request for money. If you missed it, here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyuHNpoOU1o
In the last 4 episodes, I’ve gained hundreds of new Youtube subscribers and about 1000 new Twitter followers. I’m hoping these new fans will lighten the load of the request. (I mean, if each FB friend donated 50 cents) I”d have more than enough.
Last time, we raised the money in a month. I’d like to beat that this time. Anything you give is appreciated. However, if you donate 10 bucks, I’ll put your name in the credits. 100 then I’ll announced you as a sponsor and 500, I will put your name in the logo as in “your name presents” HBN.
The donate button can be found here: http://www.kafkamaine.com/hatebynumbers/
Thank you all.
Gladstone
